Homily at the Marriage of D___ and K___ Perry
By the Reverends Robert and Caroline Osborne
Delivered June 4, 2022 at St. Joseph of Arimathea
Welcome to a moment that has been in the making for a long time. K__ shared with me that she has known D___ for her entire life. Their story began in Massachusetts when K___ was still in the womb, as both sets of parents became friends while studying in seminary.
For years their different but in many ways parallel paths crisscrossed at different events—until last year when they hit it off at a wedding of all places.
So it feels full circle in a wonderful way for us to be gathered here today to celebrate their marriage. Those two parallel but different paths are here and now merging into one path that they will walk together for the rest of their lives.
The road may have had several twists and turns, but perhaps that is part of why the joy of today is so great. Facing the challenges of a long distance relationship, D___ then moving to Tennessee in the midst of a pandemic to be closer to K___, all these things make the joy of this day all the more beautiful.
Having been through so much this past year, it is no surprise to either of you that, as wonderful as today is, there will also be challenges ahead. And the vows you make today are meant both for when it is easy to love each other and for when it is hard.
That is why one of our readings for today, 1 Corinthians 13, is such a good reading for a wedding – it talks about love not just as a joyful, sunshiney feeling of butterflies and beautiful wedding dresses and happy tears, but also as a choice and a commitment.
That love, which the Apostle Paul wrote about for the whole church, should also be lived out in your marriage, especially since God made marriage to be a representation of Jesus and his bride, the Church. When you pursue the sort of love described in that passage, you show the world a picture of the sort of love God has for us, and we, empowered by the Holy Spirit, have for him. That is a pretty high calling! If you don’t feel some awe for what you are about to step into, then you don’t understand it!
1 Corinthians tells us that this is a love that is unselfish: it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it does not boast. This is a considerate love. A love in which you each put the other person’s needs above your own. If only one of you did that, it would become an unbalanced and painful love. But when you both put each others’ needs first, it is an incredible, self-giving, generous, and refreshing love. A 1 Corinthians love is a longsuffering love. It always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. It is not easily angered.
In fairy tales, the hero and heroine get married and live happily ever after. They fail to tell you that one of them might forget to clean up their toenail clippings or is grouchy when they're hungry--not that I am saying K__ or D___ will do those things.
All I am saying is, a love like the one described in 1 Corinthians is longsuffering. It doesn’t get hung up on the small, though sometimes very irritating, things, and it persists through the big and difficult things. When you commit to a longsuffering love, you will both rest in the security of that committed love even in the most difficult times.
And finally, this love is a humble and forgiving love. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, and it delights in the truth.
K___ and D___, in planning a wedding and preparing for a marriage the two of you have learned a bit about forgiveness. The times you have forgiven each other--both big and small--over the course of your time dating are not an exception to the way relationships work. Forgiveness in marriage, as in all of the life of faith, is the rule. A forgiving love is a safe, joy-filled, and growing place for a sinner, and all of us here are sinners, bride and groom included.
A forgiving love is one that best exemplifies the love of Christ for the Church. A forgiving love is one that is a witness to the world of the greatest love, the love from which all other loves derive: that is, the love of God.
So, D___ and K___, as you enter into marriage today, as the two of you cease to be just two separate individuals and are joined into one union by God--my charge to you is to choose, commit to, and embrace a love like that described in 1 Corinthians: an unselfish, longsuffering, humble and forgiving love.
Just like today’s joy is made all the sweeter by the long road it took to get here, when you love with a 1 Corinthians love, all those wonderful good times will be even better.
As you pursue that life of loving witness, may God bless your marriage with joy, peace, and an overflow of love that, in turn, blesses the lives around you. Amen.
__________
A Toast at the Marriage of D and K Perry
by Thom Chittom
D___ and K___,
When I look at you now, I see nothing but blessing. The blessing you have been in your childhoods. The blessing you are to each other. The blessing of our families’ friendship made permanent today. And the river of blessing that is rolling into you and through you and on into your future together.
Today you take up, hand-in-hand, God’s original command for human beings to go out into the wild world together and cultivate it. What an adventure you have ahead!
Let me say a few words to take on your way:
Always cherish the truth. People are forever unfinished. Talk about it. Time brings new things. Meet them in the strength of a united transparency. God is a god of light and not darkness after all.
When you disagree, fight for each other and not for yourselves. You win when you, plural, win. Remember, our God is three persons in one loving and even erotic mutuality.
And finally, think on the mystery of marriage—there is not two of you, but three. Going with you today there is one who sticks closer than a brother, one like a son of man. He is wisdom itself. Listen to him! If you do that, you will be blessed. If you do that, he will make saints of you in time, and you will be a blessing.
Now, I join everyone here and celebrate your marriage today. We love you. We support you. We bless you.
__________
Notes
D___'s father delivered a wedding toast during the wedding mentioned in the homily above. It is recorded on this blog as occasional theology and should be considered in parallel.
The liturgical material may be of interest to provide wider theological context. Gen. 2.4-9, 15-24; Ps. 127; 1 Cor. 13.1-13; Ps. 67.; Matt. 7.21, 24-29. Fr. Jody Howard also gave the longer nuptial blessing and concluding prayer from the BCP pp. 430-431.
A Facebook post I made on Trinity Sunday, June 7, 2020: "I can think of no better day in these circumstances than Trinity Sunday. For the unity of the three persons is to be one without monotony, to be unity without destroying plurality. And for that unity to be a forever bliss of giving and receiving love. We human beings, then, may know that it is possible to fully love without destroying the uniqueness of others and to be loved without destroying ourselves. This is a unity that worldly power knows not of. All the powers can do is destroy the other or press chaotic difference into submission with brutal force. That is unity without freedom, which is no unity at all. It will never understand or be the freedom that love freely gives." I might also point out that the triune persons are not homo sapiens. We are analogy not equality.
